What does Life Serve me?? ZaGIR

It wasn't what I was expecting... I failed...

I always knew that I was an idiot at times with my master and all. I know all those fancy words that he calls me like 'imbecile' and 'imp' was just to put me down, but what I can do?? I seem to smile at all the yelling that he gives me and all. It was my duty to be vented on and take all his stress and dissolve it in my stupidity. I hold a better medal of honor for that. After some of those moments, he would try to apologize to  me, thinking that I felt terrible. I do remember that he would cradle me in his arms a bit and mutter 'I am sorry GIR,' as if he was a broken record. 

For me, that hurt more than hearing all those insults. Maybe it's because I hate myself... I don't know.

As years passed by, I noticed the changes that were going on with my master. He was growing a little and he sometimes refuses to talk to me or even vent on things like he normally did. As for me, I stayed consistent, still waiting for him as he came back from the thing called "middle skool," and greeted him as he entered. There were a couple instances that I stopped and stared as he came in like he always did, all dominant and pretty. He was someone that I look up to before, but I feel something a little deeper for him all of a sudden, yet I am too afraid to tell him.

There was actually a moment that I was able to tell him what I felt and that was when he was in a much better mood. We were outside on a moonlit night and still remembering the promise he gave me about owning the moon as soon as he conquered Earth, I looked up and gave him a bright smile. I knew he was thinking of a really good plan this time and for the first time, he smiled at me back. I really didn't know what to say for the first time. I didn't want to ruin the moment like I always did. What I said instead was, "Dat moon sure is purty," I really wanted to hit myself on the head for it. He looked at me and I was really sure that he was going to march back into the house, feeling like I probably ruined his train of thought yet again. He then smiled and pulled me close, he started chuckling and then whispered,"I remember promising it to you when we conquer Earth... I still keeping the promise." 

The way that we were close made me melt on the inside and made me want to do something like I did with Dib's sister. I wanted to grab his face and kiss him. He was about to do what I was intending to do until I noticed that someone was approaching. I jerked away and noticed it was my master's enemy. He had a smile and that was rather suspicious to me because I really don't like it when people play around with my master. As he came closer, some part of me died a little when I saw my master smile back at Dib. They first shook hands and then playfully pushed each other. As an idiot I am, I went back into the house that was dimly lit as me. I walked to the couch defeated, knowing that the Dib won the attention for the rest of the night. I desperately wanted to cry. If only I wasn't such a coward...

~~~

Another month passed by and I am getting worried about my master and his relationship with the Dib guy. He always comes home late, and I was worried about why he would rather not be home. as always I try not to bother into his business as he told me to because he really cares about his privacy. I looked out at the sky and it looked like it was going to rain. As far as I can worry about my master, I knew that he burns from the chemicals of the water. I remembered that he created a coating and he probably didn't bring it with him because the T.V said that it wasn't going to rain until tomorrow. I know that I was disobeying my master but I set out to look for him. As stupid as I was, I forgot my suit that protected me of looking suspicious. This time, I really tried to be careful with not driving attention to myself. As I moved quickly to each area that I guessed my master would be at- I felt something that was not right. It was a drop of water and I felt it on my head. It softly trickled down and landed on my hand and that made my speed go faster to looking for my master. I was going past every pizza joint and plaza, hoping that he is alright until I found a park that I haven't been to before. It was filled with people offering umbrellas to each other and holding hands as if the rain holds a love potion. That scared me...

I paced myself as I tried to search for my master and to not drive attention to myself as always. I didn't care that I was getting wet at all. All that mattered to me is that I got to my master and I will take him home as soon as possible. I passed where the people were, and all of a sudden I saw it... The thing I wasn't expecting...

I saw my master with the Dib. They were closer to each other than ever before... I feel like they were prepared to do something that I wasn't able to do to him in the first place. Dib can finally call ZIM his.

I felt like all that I knew about life was falling apart. Even when we first met, I wasn't able to keep him for so long. I was losing him each and every single day we spent together and I have finally lost him forever. 

"I now see that you don't need me," I whispered, starting to sound like someone all grown up,"It's time I say goodbye, but I don't know where to go- it's hard but I must do so."

I started to walk off from the scene that I did not want to see, knowing that it will destroy me even more. I wanted to know what I can do with my life as soon as I gathered everything that I owned from ZIM's house and leave from his life forever. He can promise the moon to Dib or whoever he wanted- I didn't want it anymore, now that I am out of his life, and out of my own. Without thinking, I rushed over to his house as I possibly could, not caring what the people saw. At the front of the house, I broke down and cried loudly, screaming my pains out... I started Hating my life and what I did with it. Then, everything was forgotten from my mind.

~~~~

"GIR, are you alright??"

I mumbled then sat directly upright as I saw the face of my master looking back at me. I wanted to run away from the house, but the caring look that he gave me stopped me from doing so. I really didn't want to hurt him, but it was so hard not to give him a harsh look of disappointment. "I don't want to talk to you- I want to leave you alone-" the door looked more welcoming to me as my feelings felt like an outcast of his life. It was disappointing that he still felt like he was a huge part of my life. He moved his hand to my face,feeling his hand underneath my eyes as he wiped some tears off my face. 

"Why are you acting like this?? You are never like this," ZIM started to say to me as I tried to look away from him. All the answers exploded in my head, turning the insides of mine into putty. The rhetorical question was how I am going to tell him all about what I felt in a few sentences without spraying all of the truth. Well, my brain ((or so-called brain)) didn't act like I wanted to and then I erupted.

"I always cared about you since we first met, even if I was very stupid and all those words, -Argh- I don't know what I can say here!! I really did want to help you but the Tallest programmed me to fail at everything that I do. Every time I failed at something, I think that the reason why I could smile when you screamed at me was because it kept me beside you, even if the moments of failure hurt!! Through the times we spent together, I was waiting for you be there for me to admire your superior nature. I really don't know why I have cared about staying with you for the longest time and then I saw you with Dib and it got me all jealous that you'd rather spend time with him!!! I really want to say more, but I feel like you won't want to listen to me when I tried to say that I LOVED YOU!!"

I shut my mouth when I yelled those words out to ZIM. He really didn't deserve those words from me, he had Dib for that. I was waiting for him to yell at me to get out of the house. I wasn't expecting that he was going to bury his head on my lap. I blushed hard as he did so, feeling his soft skin pressed close to me, and it almost made me want to pick his face up and kiss him hard. I heard him breathe hard before he pulled himself up, with his eyes at the point of watering. 

"I really didn't know what to say to you GIR. You are the only one who has been consistent in this life of mine. I didn't know how to stay with someone for so long and you are the only one who taught me how to keep someone in the empty heart like mine. Oh what on Irk would you be jealous of Dib for, he only does is talk a lot and doesn't leave me time to talk back. To be honest, I was never in love with Dib, but I was also too afraid to tell you that I love you. I didn't know what I was thinking to be close to the Dib-beast in the first place."

I wanted to believe him, but I still witnessed the moment, so my bright idea was to bring it up, "How am I supposed to believe you if I saw you about to kiss Dib?? I've seen that moment as I was looking for you..."

"Are you trying to push me away??" ZIM asked as he looked broken by my statement, "I got close to him because he had an umbrella and he offered it to me. He did make fun of me for not buying one and I did get embarrassed for him saying that. That will not change anything of what I feel for you.." 

He got closer to me as I gulped a bit, wondering what he was going to do. He then closed his eyes and pulled the back of my head and pulled me into a powerful yet passionate kiss. My eyes went wide as I tried to fight the feeling, but something, maybe that little spur of love that was still hidden in my head decided that I shouldn't hide my feelings. I grabbed tightly to my Master and let him embrace me as we still stayed in the lip-lock. It has been a while since I wanted to do that, ever since we were on the steps, our spirits held high as we still were bent on destroying Earth. I pulled away from the kiss as I looked into his eyes amorously. He gave me a love-struck expression and kissed me once more before he told me the words I would keep in my mind in case I doubted him again, "What does life serve me if I am not with you? You are the only one who makes life matter.."

I got to admit, I believe him because that's just what I felt as well~

Fin <3